I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
