i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
