Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
