Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
