Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
