I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
