you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize