i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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