You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
