I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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