i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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