There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
