Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
