I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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