Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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