Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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