I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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