She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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