at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
