A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
