He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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