This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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