I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
