fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
