people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cockslap morals
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
