I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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