I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
