a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
