Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
