ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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