This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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