There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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