actually, I'm a sock model
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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