you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
