U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
