I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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