bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
