im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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