More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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