I'm going to jail i love you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
