my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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