i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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