based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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