Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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