1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't deserve a penis
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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