This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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