It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
