Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
