the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
