Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
