2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
