Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
