Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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