He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
