So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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