My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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