he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
