Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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