If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
