Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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