Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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