dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
