there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
