omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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