Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
