Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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