i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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