Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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