If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Someone signed my nipple.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
