I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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