Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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