I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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