I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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