You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
