dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
