I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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