wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
