Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
