After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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