And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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